Latest Journal Entry
today i:
woke up – lost glasses
had meeting – no result
Tried skype – didnt work.
Frustrating.
after so long you get angery with comnication. I dont want to sit thier and talk. I want to sit in a corner. maybe listen. They shout they use cmplicated words. i can decode them but i am finding more and more i have no wish to. let it flow over my head. surely its simplar for tem to explain properly and make sure i understand than for me to expend enegery over a guess which is likley to be wrong.
I am angery with the sounds of verbal comnication. On my trip to bristol on wednesday i went on a ferry and thier was a deaf man on the ferry signing. i signed with him a bit and i remeberd how much i liked sign over verbal comnication.
the main problem with verbility is that people expect you to conform to thier standard, no matter how stupid or useless thier standards is. no one standards are intropolate and very few things mean anything real.
Hows is this? I take my words and put them inot the order i like. When was i meant to think about how they sounded? how i am suposed to know how you are going to hear them. Why should i adapt for you. you dont adapt for me.
Somedays i wish i was non verbal. I could then sit and look. feel safe. not involved. no peoples doors on me, no flames.
I sit in my meeting and thier she is, my new social worker. Glasing around the room. photon gaze on me. It like a fog lamp of brightness and heat. I look up for afew secounds and thier they are. Flaming at me.
I do what i have to do and i stare. I can feel the me inside screaming. I dont want to talk. I dont want to talk.
Why be verbal when verbal sounds can be unhead. A sign cannot be misunderstood. A sign can not be said with an accent. with sarcasm. A sign cannot be said nasty, or said nice.
Emotions are emotions. Why let them interfere with comnications? Would you like it if you laptop refused to let you type because you were writing a letter in anger?
Why do all thease people seem to think that no matter what they do i know how they feel and what they understand. surely if they understood they would help? they would… wouldent they?
Why do people hide thier true intent. I though my brush they understand. she covers her flames. That better, cover you flame hold you arm.
protect yourself.
now you feel like me inside.
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