Speech

From time to time I stop speaking, find speaking hard or generally ‘go very quiet’. This can be for a short periods or for a long while (days to months).

How did it start?

I am away on holiday with a group of friends at the moment. We had a day on the beach / playing frisbee in the sea and walking around a beach town. I got very tired and spaced out and stopped talking about lunchtime.

What works?

2 of the group sign ‘enough’ to get by. The other 2 are learning. We have established our own signs for things which relate to our group.

When really needed I have an app on my phone which can speak for me. Though I use it quite rarely.

What does not work?

Its easy to feel left out of conversations and others have to make an effort to include me. While I’m told this is not a problem it does require effort and when time is pressing there is no time for me to contribute. (Which is also a feature!)

How does it feel?

I feel intensely calm and collected. My thoughts are less wordy and more precise and I feel very relaxed.

Having a lower expected contribution too things results in less anxiety. It has also meant less arguments / area for confusion. When I can only express small amounts, I only express important things and even then I leave much unsaid.

Unlike unrestrained speech (where I tend to be totally transparent / have trouble hiding my agenda) with no speech I feel more in control. I can hold thoughts easier without them escaping. This also results in thoughts being better formed before I express them.

If I do speak and words just come out I feel conflicted. On the one hand its good that they are near the surface, on the other hand when they come out I confuse people and get worried I cannot keep them coming out. They also tend to come out in fits and starts.

Words do happen, but mostly when I am alone or when with individuals in quiet places.

What about when I get home?

Speech will probably return pretty quickly. It normally does, I have a few days more off work so if by Sunday speech is not working I have some exercises to get it going again.

On a more general note, speech is an odd one for me. Sometimes I loose it and it’s very frustrating. Other times it goes away and it’s not a problem.

I wish life allowed the second scenario more often. But in reality, I need speech even if I don’t always like it.

Another way of looking at it, is that while on holiday I also managed a break from speech and communication anxiety.

So, that’s about it really. Am posting this from the car on the way to the motor muesum but will be around later to answer any questions.

PS: if you would like more context, or are curious about the late lion chap
I hang around with, read more here: on autism

Published: 25 July 2014 | Categories: , Autism & Me Permalink

WWDC 214 - First Thoughts

Just some quick first reactions:

Surprises:

Swift – new modern programming language. Looks pretty sweet, looking forward too some more under the hood information and deep dives. Really unexpected!

iCloud Drive – Was not expecting an open file system. Synced with Macs is a happy bonus. Effortless backup too.

Spotlight – Alfred just got sherlocked :( it’s like Siri without the voice bit.

Expected but nice:

HomeKit – very excited about this, i have been contemplating a Phillips hue purchase for a while and this may just push me over the edge. Hoping API is open so other devices can be integrated.

Photos – iCloud camera roll is now up to 5gb for free, with extra storage sold as a monthly extra. iCloud already offered 5gb, but It now looks a reasonable cost to upgrade capacity.

Disappoinments:

No hardware announcement – Mac Mini is very long in the tooth was hoping for something. No mention of ARM powered Macs.

No Apple TV App Store – it really needs one.

No OS 11 it’s been almost 15 years since OSX first debuted. When will OS 11 come along, what changes will it bring?

Published: 2 June 2014 | Categories: Opinion , Apple Permalink

Thoughts on "My Advice to Young Designers and Developers"

Andy Budd recently wrote about the advice he has for young designers and developers.

As a young(ish) developer, I took pretty much the path Andy describes; I wanted to share my thoughts on how its turned out for me.

My path.

When I finished college, I did university part time as I built up my own business (+ Lion). About half way through my degree, I jumped ship and took a job at the BBC where I have been kept busy, working on iPlayer and whatnot.

Roll on 2.5 years; I am a senior developer and I just purchased a little flat in London.

It’s been one hell of a ride. As I read Andy’s piece many things rang true. This peice is a response, with a reflection of the positives and negatives, based on my experiences. Hopefully, other young web folk will find it helpful.

The disadvantages.

“By comparison, the majority of people I know who went straight into a career ended up hating what they did for a living”

Yep.

Well I am getting there. The web does not excite me like it use to. I look at other developers around my age and I feel out of date. I work in a big organisation with big organisation technology adoption. Most recently, I have felt something is missing from my life, the excitement.

I feel somewhat old and tired. Many of my friends comment that over the last few years I have seemingly gone quiet. I am less bold, and I make less things. Settling down has got boring already.

I also feel massively disconnected with my peers. My boyfriend is a university student, sometimes he feels like a complete alien. I am not into music, I am not into much “youth culture”. I don’t find BBC Three funny.

I wonder if I sold my youth. Granted (as I will get to later) I was in a different position to most, but essentially I am doing now what I did when I was 19. That feels pretty bad sometimes. I didn’t explore the world, or learn to scuba dive.

I feel like I missed out on some stuff. Stuff I cannot describe. I cannot say I am that excited and enthusiastic about spending the next 40+ years doing what I do now.

But with all that said, there are some major advantages too.

The Pros. (it’s not all doom and gloom)

The biggest positive, is that I have financial stability. I live well within my means and always have. I saved my earnings and I brought an affordable flat I can live in for half my current income.

Andy mentions settling down:

“More importantly, travelling is a lot of fun. It’s also something that gets harder to do as you progress in your careers, buy houses, raise families and settle down.”

He is right about family, but I think that conflates the issue a little. Having a family happens to people even when they don’t go into early employment. So while I see his point, I think its a little weak when it comes to the family argument.

I don’t agree regarding buying a house. My flat is an asset, if I dont want to live it in, I can just rent it out. I already make back some of my costs by renting out the spare bedroom.

I have settled down, but I also have security and that security gives me options. I just need to be brave and take them.

Professionally I also feel I have grown a great deal since I joined the BBC. I am doing essentially the same thing as when I was 13 (making websites) but I am now doing it a completely different way. I have managed teams, built at insane scale and learnt so many lessons about how to build things that dont fall over and are flexable.

I feel like I have made the most of what I have been given. If the web bubble bursts tomorrow, I have set myself up for a secure future. (though writing that out feels like I’m being a right arse!)

On Balance.

On balance I think there is alot of truth in what Andy is saying. I am on the path too hating my job, and his article is one of the things which has really made that apparent to me.

But I have options and a secure base to operate from. I can fix it and I have invested in my future.

What would I say to young people.

My advice to young people basically falls down to “how secure are you”.

If like I was, your facing homelessness without a safety net, then I think profiting from your skills now is not a bad choice. In my opinion, the web is a bubble, and if you can make enough to give yourself a secure future then that is entirely what you should do. This means doing the work, earning well, but living like a hermit. Make the most of it.

If you have security, for example supportive parents then there is less risk. As Andy suggests, traveling looks mighty fine. I have seen people combine traveling with working to great effect.

One place where I do agree entirely with Andy is about appreciating money. If you’re a young web folk and you spend all your earnings on beer and cars, then I do feel you’re missing the point.

Final thoughts.

Thats about it for my thoughts. I would like to thank Andy for his post, I don’t fully agree with him, but I think he is touching on an important topic.

Technology has enabled a certain age group to jump the entry level jobs. That has social and personal consequences and discussing them is only a good thing.

Published: 20 March 2014 | Categories: Opinion , Technology Permalink